The Hardest Thing.......

.......in this world is to live in it.

I took this quote from one of my favorite television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now bare with me through this reference. Buffy is this teenager girl who is given supernatural abilities from the "Powers That Be" in order to kill demons, vampires, and the like. Buffy saves the world countless amounts of times, only to be faced with the decision of saving the world (ONCE AGAIN) by taking her own life, or let it stay in the same "Damned" place that it was currently in. She decides to take her own life to save the world but leaves a message with her sister that simply said "The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it." That quote was one of the most true ringing statements that I had ever heard.

Today has made me recall this phrase alot. We live in a world today, where you feel like no where is safe, and you feel like you can trust no one. A world where, just when you feel like you've taken 2 steps forward, your taking 5 steps back. I will be 25 years old in less than a month, and I have been going through these motions of getting older. I have been confronted with a large number of scenarios I haven't had to face before, being it social conflict, professional conflict, health, love, etc. All which have been seemingly difficult to navigate. I have no focal point of who I can base my adult actions off of. When I was child I responded to things like other children did, however that does not work in the adult world. The majority of the people I see are like aliens to me. I don't want to have any parts in any of the things their doing.

So with all that being stated, I began to wonder if there were other people out there who have issues navigating through the map of life. I felt the need to share some of my experiences in a broad sense, and maybe this may help someone else who may be enduring something that they never had to before. When it comes to conflict with other people, in my younger days, I would avoid it like the plague. I never wanted to disagree with people, and I damn sure didn't want to be dislike. However, as I grew I realized that conflict is nothing to fear. Conflict is healthy and in some instances necessary for human interaction. I am not speaking about going out and seeking conflict, but more so on the note of asserting one's self or being firm in a belief. Society would never have progressed had there not been a conflict between two or more people. Conflict is how people's voices are heard, how freedoms are received, how awards are given. There is nothing to run from when it comes to conflict.(Given that there are ways to handle different kinds of conflict) There are some people that you will run into who have nothing to lose, and they can taint conflict into what I hate which is violence. These situations need a little wisdom when addressing them. If you find that none of your words are getting through to someone, there is nothing wrong with appeasing people for the sake of saving your own life. Outside of those instances there are some important steps that need to be taken:

1. Know exactly what the conflict is about. Nothing is more embarrassing then arguing or debating with someone and you have no knowledge of the subject or situation. There is nothing wrong with not knowing are being ignorant to something, but if we find ourselves in this situation then we need to humble ourselves first and get more information.

2. Be firm in your stance. If this particular conflict is something that you feel passionate about and you have all the facts, then be firm with your statements. Let the other person know with your body language and tone of voice that you mean business. It can be scary but people will respect you for it, because you never know who may be in earshot and has never thought about the situation your way before.

3. Know when to back down. In conflicts sometimes both parties get so passionate that even when rationale is introduced to disprove one side, we can't let it go. Just as I said people will respect you for being firm, they will also respect you when you admit defeat. None of us are God, so we will not know everything, but it's what we do with that lack of knowledge that matters.

Now that I have gotten older, I realize that I tend to put too much on myself. I tend to have too many expectations and not enough results, and a lot of times this frustrates me. This happens in life, especially if you have a proactive personality like I do. There is always something to do, always somewhere to go, always someone to see. In this world, we need to be a tad bit more selfish and lax in matters of life. Take "me" time, and find out the different things that you like to do, and not always focus on the things you "have" to do. Even if it is outside of your financial means or comfort zone. Just like you would make a plan of execution for your needs, do the same for your wants. Plan a vacation, or a sky diving trip, or a cruise, or just a day of nudity around the home. Take those "self" breaks so that way when you come back to your needs you can be energized, and more readily focused on what needs to get done.

I am also the kind of person that HATES to rely on other people. I don't like planning things with other people, I don't like going places with people if I am not in control of the method of transportation, I just don't like it. Thinking this way can be harmful. At one point or another in our lives, we will have to call on someone else. Life can be overwhelming, more than just one person can handle, so we need to identify those that we can trust in our lives and really tend to those relationships. It isn't that you have ulterior motives, but in life sometimes you need a helping hand and why not have that come from someone you trust. We didn't come into this world on our own, and at the end of the day we HAVE to rely on people in some way shape or form. You have to rely on your boss to cut your check every two weeks, you have to rely on the deli to make your sandwich the way you like it, you have to rely your bank to have your funds available after deposit......maybe those weren't the best examples, but you get it. None of us are superman, and if you read the comics or seen the cartoon you'd know even Superman had to call in the Justice League when shit got real.

The final thing that has helped me get through some of life's turmoil is to just be open. Be open-minded, be open with yourself, and be open to others.  We get older and we learn, we analyze, and we store all these things in us. We have to learn that there is no upper age that we stop growing whether it be physical or psychological.  No one benefits from keeping everything inside. We can't ignore or close ourselves off to change or things that are different. That is one of the more beautiful and most enjoyable things about life is that there is so much we will encounter. So many new opinions to hear, so many lives that we come into contact with. We shouldn't see these interactions as burdens, but as an opportunity to expand and grow within ourselves. We can't be hard and stiff for the rest of our lives. Putting it into perspective, it takes a lot more work to stay in the same exact place, than it is to go with the flow and move forward. Think about it.........

~Stanz A. Lone