Hopefully you guys can bare with me as I find my style in the blogging world. However, let me get to the matter at hand which is exposing the underground war that has been waging about as long as cats and dogs (thus the title).
Now I can only address this issue from the view point of one side. Because this is the group that I identify with, but that isn't to say that my points won't be valid.
Woman and Gay men.........two very different groups with the same problem....TRUST! As long as I have been alive and have been out I have had very VERY interesting encounters with women. I have never had sex with a woman, and even in the days where I played "straight" I never could tolerate alot of the hot and cold that women give. Now as a gay man, my interactions with them have changed. I find it odd that when women find out that I am gay I get 3 distinct reactions:
1. The Convert: These are the women that are so amazed by how gay men work that their goal is to find them and convert them "back" to where they came from. These are the women that present you with the "You must not have met a real women" or "How you know you gay if you never had pussy?" I gag at the second remark, but nonetheless these women give that statement. I find it so interesting because I know of the war waging between my orientation and heterosexual women, so to hear them say such things is remarkable to me
2. The Best Friend: These women may come in two forms. You have the woman that finds out your gay, and their immediate response is "OMG my cousin/friend/Dad/Next Door Neighbor/co-worker is gay, and I love them" (ok bitch....REALLY?). Then you have the women that say dumb shit like "OMG I've also wondered what it would be like to have a gay best friend" as if to say that since I am gay that that automatically means I want to be your friend (Puhleeze).
3. The Uniformaed/Ignorant: These are the women I like. These women don't know shit about gay men. They may have heard about them before or met a couple, but they have never engaged one in real life. Therefore, since your the first "gay" person they met, you have to be the guru on all things gay and answer every question that they will throw at you (and trust me they will have a lot of questions). I like these women because they aren't being as unrealistic as the other two groups. They know that they are uniformed and their only desire is to be educated. Not to screw you, not to be BFF's, but simply to understand who you are and the decision you made (and how you came to it).
With that being said I have to address that gay male side. No, there isn't a break down of the different types of gays cause then I'd be here for the rest of the week giving you all the sub-categories. However, on the gay male side I can address how the war gets fueled. Your a gay man, and in most cases you've been persecuted your whole life by individuals, families, school systems, and society at large. So the last thing that you want to hear is some unattractive woman telling you how much you need vagina in your life (BYE!!!). Also as a gay man you meet people who will try to use you, abuse you, and everything in between, so when you hear from some random broad "let's be bff's" the initial reaction is distrust like "what does she want from me?". This is where the trust issue with gay men comes in to this war. As a culture, we are not very trusting people. Of course our preference is men, so that gender gets a pass in the trust department. However, women don't recieve that luxury. At every turn we're saying "Why is she here?" or "She is messing up my chances with _____" or "Why is she talking to me?" This is part 1 of the problem
Women, their issue of trust comes later on. So let me paint this picture, two friends....a gay male and a straight woman. These two indivdiuals have been friends for years and have seen each other through the highs and lows in both their lives. The straight women finally finds a keeper of a man, and all ties to the gay male are severed. Even though women can co-exist and befriend gay men, they will not let them anywhere near whoever they are sleeping with. Why? Fear that their man may be gay, fear that their friend may steal their man, or personal insecuritis about relationships in general, WHATEVER.......there is a disconnect in the relationship. This is what women need to understand, there are more chances that your man won't want to meet us in the first place so there is no need to go out of the way to keep the two parties seperate. Furthermore, you are more likely to have your man stolen by the next chick who calls herself your "sister" more so than your gay friend. To this fact I can only speak personally, but I don't want no straight man. I am a gay man and I like other gay men, no in the closest, bi-sexual, confused, on the low dude. I want my man gay and proud. Now given there are gay men out there who are vicious, they will steal anyone's man gay or straight, male or female, friend or foe, but that is just the risk you take with dating in general Someone WILL want what you have.
So trust, both parties need a little bit more of it because at the end of the day both groups have more in common than their inclination for penis. However, when and if both parties are able to shed past trangressions and really get to know the other on a personal level (women understand the struggle of being a gay man, and gay men understand that a straight woman won't want you in every aspect of their life.) I've seen straight women who have children, and will never let their gay friend come over. I, personally, am ok with that because if I was friends with a transsexual I may not want them around my children. Solely, because of the questions that I would have to answer RIGHT THEN, where it may be too soon for my child to be exposed to these different groups. We have to respect this. Does that me that women don't like gay men......No. But what it does mean is that they have a set of standards and morals for themselves than they do their children (Which is most parents in general).
I'm not quite sure if I represented both sides equally, but I tried. Once again I hope you enjoyed. Until next time
~Stanz A. Lone
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