Continuing on with the theme of change, I want to use this rare moment of vulnerability to speak out about this difficult yet wonderful time in my life.
As I stated in my previous post, I turned 25 not too long ago. I know some people will think "big deal", but in all actuality it is a big deal. The world we live in is ridiculous and I honestly feel like one of those days its going to implode, so any additional years of life on this Earth I am thankful for. Most of the changes I am experiencing are of the emotional variety. I feel myself maturing and not seeing things through such a narrow lens. I am embracing my sexuality more and more, and feeling confident in my orientation. There are things that I NEED for my life that I am now able to demand because of how hard I have worked to get here.
With that being said, the theme for this post is "Knowing your Worth". In my younger years I had a huge problem with self-esteem. I felt that I was never good enough, smart enough, good looking enough, talented enough, and more importantly I never thought I was worth a damn penny. I struggled through high school with personal identity, and even with all the academic achievements that I accomplished I still felt that I had nothing to offer this world. As I got older, and I started making an identity for myself, I got a chance somewhere down the line to assess my life. With that assessment I realized that I have to stop comparing my life to worldly standards, and when I stopped assessing my life through that scope I realized that I have done ALOT. With me doing ALOT I had to also realize that there are things in this life that I need in order to "reach the pinnacles I plan to reach".
Self-Worth. What helped me find mine was through self-evaluation. As human beings we tend to get so caught up and the things we see, and what everyone else is doing that we rarely get an opportunity to acknowledge and commend ourselves. I had to learn to become my own cheerleader, because in the grand scheme of things we have no guarantees that other people are going to give us what we need. We have to be our own support system. Friends, family, and significant others can only extend themselves but so much without neglecting themselves, and at the end of the day those people should be secondary supports. We need to be firm within ourselves and AFFIRM that we are good enough. I know this is a difficult task, but it can start out with something as simple as making a list of our accomplishments whether big or small. Once you've written those accomplishments out, do something to celebrate them. Make this an ongoing trend of success followed by celebration, and you will find in a short time that your esteem will be that much higher. Other people will begin to notice it to. Try it and see what happens.
~Stanz A. Lone
Friday, September 21, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Starting Over
I haven't been able to blog for a while, and I have been missing it. There has been a lot going on and I guess I wanted to sum up what has been transpiring with me over these past few weeks.
I just celebrated my 25th birthday, and in my eyes I had just figured it to be another birthday. On top of that I am starting a new Master's program, and trying to make strides to further myself in the workplace. I'm not sure if everyone else went through this once they turned 25, but I woke up a few days ago and I felt very different on the inside. The way I saw things, the way I felt about people, it all began to change. For lack of a better gay illustration, I felt like a caterpillar that was going through metamorphosis and now I have finally become a butterfly. I'm exciting and nervous at the same time because I don't know what any of this means. I have completely reconstructed my life, and I don't know what to be prepared for. I have been greatly enjoying the experiences that I've endured since my 25th birthday, and I am interested for whats in store.
Unfortunately, with this change means that I had to let go of certain things. Some of these things have been a part of my life for a good while, and even though these things were precious, I needed to make some decisions in order to fully embrace this change.
This is what I wanted to address with this particular blog, embracing the unknown. Sometimes in life there are opportunities that present themselves. They might not always be as obvious as we would like them to be, but they are there nonetheless. Sometimes these opportunities lead us to something better, sometimes just to something different, but isn't life about growing and changing and experiencing new things? Isn't life about finding what it is that is best for you and about finding what makes you happy? The hard thing to do is to embrace opportunities when we have been comfortable in a certain position for so long. We've worked at a job for 5 years and it's ok, but we're too afraid to find something else because it MIGHT not be better. Sometimes it's worth the risk. As individuals we need to rise to the challenges of life, not back away from them because it may hurt.
When I turned 25 and I started feeling like I did, yes it would have been easier to ignore what was going on inside me and stick to the regularly scheduled program, but what I could have given up would have killed me later on in life.
Sometimes the best thing when you feel like you've done all that you can do is START OVER, and that is what I have decided to do.
I just celebrated my 25th birthday, and in my eyes I had just figured it to be another birthday. On top of that I am starting a new Master's program, and trying to make strides to further myself in the workplace. I'm not sure if everyone else went through this once they turned 25, but I woke up a few days ago and I felt very different on the inside. The way I saw things, the way I felt about people, it all began to change. For lack of a better gay illustration, I felt like a caterpillar that was going through metamorphosis and now I have finally become a butterfly. I'm exciting and nervous at the same time because I don't know what any of this means. I have completely reconstructed my life, and I don't know what to be prepared for. I have been greatly enjoying the experiences that I've endured since my 25th birthday, and I am interested for whats in store.
Unfortunately, with this change means that I had to let go of certain things. Some of these things have been a part of my life for a good while, and even though these things were precious, I needed to make some decisions in order to fully embrace this change.
This is what I wanted to address with this particular blog, embracing the unknown. Sometimes in life there are opportunities that present themselves. They might not always be as obvious as we would like them to be, but they are there nonetheless. Sometimes these opportunities lead us to something better, sometimes just to something different, but isn't life about growing and changing and experiencing new things? Isn't life about finding what it is that is best for you and about finding what makes you happy? The hard thing to do is to embrace opportunities when we have been comfortable in a certain position for so long. We've worked at a job for 5 years and it's ok, but we're too afraid to find something else because it MIGHT not be better. Sometimes it's worth the risk. As individuals we need to rise to the challenges of life, not back away from them because it may hurt.
When I turned 25 and I started feeling like I did, yes it would have been easier to ignore what was going on inside me and stick to the regularly scheduled program, but what I could have given up would have killed me later on in life.
Sometimes the best thing when you feel like you've done all that you can do is START OVER, and that is what I have decided to do.
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